So, I guess that you are all pretty much wondering what is going on with my life right now. I want to be very straight forward and honest.
1. Just under a ton of pressure, with a lot of different aspects of missionary life;
a.) Our area is dead and our investigators are not keeping any commitments.
b.) The companionship's in my district are all having a ton of issues; not getting along, not being obedient, getting discouraged, being lazy, etc.
c.) My companion is a really nice guy, but he really is only good for small talk, not really a source for validation or compassion.
There are definitely a lot of different forces pulling me in many different directions, which I do understand as a normal fact of life.
2. Two weeks a go I had a pretty substantial "break down". I was caught in what Elder Holland labels as "The Dark Night of the Mind" and a "Crater in the Mind"(see Holland, "Like a Broken Vessel", Oct 2013) Depression is something that I had always thought I had experienced, but I don't think I really ever had until this point in my life.
After about 2 days straight of that, I called Sister Kendrick and explained what was happening to me, I met with her, we talked for a while, and decided that I really could only get help from a professional. She had me take a test, sent it into SLC, I got approval for visiting a counselor for LDS Family Services.
But, I felt better a few days after that, and decided that I would be ok, and didn't need to see anyone. And then, later on that week I got pretty wrecked again, and that night I called President and told him that I needed to schedule an appointment.
Last week I met with a counselor that I took one of my last companions to see a few times, her name is... actually it is probably confidential. But, she is really awesome, and she has helped me. I will meet with her twice more probably, she is giving me tools that she uses to help people think through what is happening.
I am actually really grateful for all of this that is happening to me, because I am literally getting STRONGER, spiritually and emotionally and socially because of it.
I am running out of time, but I just wanted to fill all of you in. Sorry for the scare, I was originally just going to not say anything about anything.
Love you so much. sorry no general email, i have 4 seconds left.